Refractions of a Shattered Soul

Here I stand at the crossroads
I can see the four winds
The wind of the north, bringing a chill on it's breath
The wind of the east, with the stories of the travelers
The wind of the south, with a warm and pleasant smell
And the wind of the west, with rumors of things to come
The winds from the four corners, they meet here
Speak to each other
They do not speak to me
I am just the wanderer, they think
I have no need for the voices of the winds
Foolish thoughts
I am a wander, yes, but where I go
Light follows
I carry color to people whose worlds are grey
I carry vibrance to the towns that lie in obscurity
I go, and brilliance follows, but the winds do not know
So I stand ignored
I, who called them here
In the end they part ways, with no notice of me
I still stand, at a loss
But I must go still
Carry the stories forth
Just without the ones from the wind

The roads forced him down a new path
A path he didn't normally travel
Yet,
As he went along the road, something was familiar.
He knew that building there
He knew that curve ahead
The vague memory of the path, but with no explanation
As he passed under a bridge
It all came back to him.
A path from the past
A road often traveled before
A flood of memories entered him
Things could have been different,
He hadn't pursued the paths that opened to him.
The girl he had grown close to then...
He shook his head
He could not change things from here
And that path was gone forever
The road took him back to his normal path
And he left the memories at the corner
That path
Was possibly better not traveled, he realized
It's ending
May not have been in his favor

I stand here, ever watching
Watching in the forest of dreams
The life here, the trees here
They know me well
For me, they bring me songs
Songs of the sky
And the birds that travel its waves
Songs of the earth,
And the sprites that ever care for it
Songs of the flowers, of the plants
The songs of life.
But today, they have no songs for me
Because I had no stories for them
I came to them, warning them
And they will not listen
I am a fool, they think
A simple wanderer cannot know their ways
But they are wrong,
Because I know.
Because I can see
I have seen, and I will know
But they will not believe me
And when it is too late,
I will not be able to help.
So I will leave them
Leave them to their songs
A fool like me shouldn't bother them
I only know the future, that's all
I will carry their songs
Because I fear it is not long
Until only I can

The man worked at his desk
Minding his own business
The others didn't bother him
Because he got the work done
He did not need supervision
He did not need help
Several knew they could not answer
If he had a question he couldn't answer himself
So they left him to his work
Letting him listen to his music
But, as he worked, something seemed off
He wasn't sure what it was
Just something was not right
As he worked, he shuffled through his music
Becoming increasingly dissatisfied
Where was a song he wanted to listen to?
He loved the music,
Yet today he did not like it
He needed something different
But wanted something familiar
He could not put his finger on it
The music he wanted to hear
It was music from long ago
Earlier in his life
But he did not know any names
He finally turned off his music
Realizing somehow, he had lost a piece of himself
A piece he did not know how to get back

I stand here, watching the man
He cannot see me,
But this is the only place we exist together
He is telling of his past, of the place he works
His desk was a store,
That room was a restaurant
In the past, this place was different
Now it was decrepit, barely alive,
As he tells of a time long past,
Surprise and bewilderment in his eyes,
I wonder what I also had forgotten.
Stories I've lost,
Songs I can no longer sing.
Granted, I'm on my own now,
Reduced from my troupe of three,
But I wonder,
As I learn new tales,
As I sing the new songs,
Am I, too, losing the past?

The song echoed through his mind
He hadn't known him that well,
But the memories of others soon rose
It all began to blur together,
Until it mattered not how well he was known
The words of the bard echoed, as the song started again
“And so departs another soul,
Honored, forever, not to pass into the shadows “
The people he had known, the friends long had
It didn't matter who any longer
One gone, another gone
He had known them all, so they could not be forgotten
The song played once again,
And again he was touched
“Farewell,” he said,
“You will not be forgotten.”

I stand here, out of sight
These are the deep caves of ice
People don’t come here normally
Because it is filled with echoes they don’t wish to know
Here, where light does not shine
The eyes see much
Here, where the winds do not blow with their stories
The ears hear things told nowhere else
That man was here too, long ago
And while he doesn’t realize it,
It told him much at that time
For me, too, it reveals a lot
It shows to me things which
For now, I have no reason to doubt it is lying
As I feared, I had begun to forget
And I realize,
It had been my fault
I had suspected the other two
Thought they were together
Afraid that I would be abandoned
And yet, the echoes show me what I missed
They knew even then I was losing touch
And where I thought they were conspiring against
They were working together trying to bring me back
If only I had known
If only I had listened
I would not have driven them away
And I would not have come to this realm
But as I continue watching the echoes,
I realize it is too late now
They are gone, and I am now here
I cannot go back
So I must continue my role here

He stood once again in the endless room
Before him stood the wise man
He shook his head, unable to believe
“What should I do?” he said
The man closed his eyes,
And held out his hand to point directly at him.
“Do what you think needs to be done,
Assume nothing
Assume no one else exists
Assume no guarantee
To what you will be doing for the rest of your life.
To what options you will have in the future
At the drop of a hat, at the flash of a light,
Something can change”
The man turned, and walked back into infinity
He was left there,
Still with no answer to his question
Where to go, what to do
He sighed, and turned away without answer
“Find the place to reflect,” came an echo
The wise man’s voice echoed with no source
“The place to reflect,” he said to himself
He left the room with those words on his lips
What was such a place?
Did it really exist?
Could it show him what would need to be done?

As I watch the man, I begin to wonder
I too had met that wise man
In this endless room long ago
And he had told me,
Warned me,
About my troupe
The other two,
What they were doing,
What they were planning.
I wonder now,
Did the ice caves lie to me?
Was that past they showed me false,
Fabricated from my own hopes and desires?
Perhaps I was right in coming here after all…

All around, the reflections shined
From one side, the shadow of a happy moment
shared with his mother and father
From another side, the shadow of a bitter fate
The realization of lost opportunities
All around there were reflections
He had found it
Found the room told of by the wise man in the vision
This was it
From this place he could see all
All the stories from the winds
All the songs from the trees
The echoes he saw in the caves of ice, here they were all plain
And so,
He entered the room of the fates
Everything would soon become clear

And so the man reached.
Reached into the past, trying to touch the person he once was, to reclaim that he has lost.
He reaches out, but the shadows are just beyond his grasp.
He can see them there, but can’t recognize them.
If only he could just reach a little further to touch them...
He could see pieces of it,
pieces that were in his grasp.
But the more he grasped the pieces of his past, the more he longed for the whole.
The more he saw the parts of his past, the more he realized what he had become in the present.
And that’s why he reached.
If he could only reach the shadows, then maybe the shadows of the past would become clear
and the shadows would absorb the present.
But they are out of reach,
he can’t grasp them.
And so all he can do is look, and try to remember,
try to remember that which was lost in the shadows,
and try to use what he can remember to change what he is.

As he grasped, a piece suddenly became clear
And he saw a face
The face, the girl he had fallen for
The girl whom the past him might not have ever had anything to do with
Yet breaking up with her caused him to begin to realize what had changed
He was torn, the past self he wanted to regain
And the present self who he was
Was the sage wrong? Was the vision a warning?
Perhaps the past was best left as it was,
But then the present remained damaged
Another piece, another face
With each new face, a new contradiction
His best friend, another girl he loved
Coworkers, friends, all existing in this plane,
unable to exist in the last
He wasn't sure what to do
This world needed the him of the last in order to exist
but the him of the last couldn't exist in this world
The endless loop of effect and cause
He needed a way out
The words of the sage came to him,
“Do what you think needs to be done”
There was only thing he could think of to do
He closed his eyes
And the room of reflections shattered

As I watch the man
I cannot help but wonder yet again
Was I right?
Did I do the right thing?
The other two were now lost forever
Yet it was I who walked out, not them
The room of the man shatters
Leaving him to piece together his life
And I can only think of what had passed
He's not unlike me
I, too, had essentially shattered my life
A very literal act,
But the effect was far from literal
It is only because of that
Because I shattered those things
That I am here where I am now
The world I know now,
The role I have now,
Could not exist with those three pieces
But, because I did
I lost the two most important people
The only difference is,
That man can put his pieces back together
I cannot
And because I cannot,
I cannot see him, I cannot see her
I am disconnected
Forever
Was I right?
Did I do the right thing?
I cannot say
For while I can see the future
I cannot change the past